








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2065 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,774 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2285 | 40% |
| Smokes | 1207 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 650 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1632 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $451,770 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 644 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Leo | 57% | 14 |
| #11 | Coco | 57% | 21 |
| #12 | Jp | 55% | 22 |
| #13 | Phoness | 47% | 34 |
| #14 | Kottonmouth Soldier | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coco | 12 | 0.0278 |
| #2 | Phoness | 7 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | k1 | 4 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Sorry | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | hyperic | 2 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coco | 163 | 0.38 | 4 min |
| #2 | k1 | 92 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Phoness | 87 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Sorry | 85 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | blobby | 73 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blobby | +4.35 | 78 | 73 |
| #2 | Coco | +3.68 | 85 | 59 |
| #3 | luca | +2.98 | 77 | 61 |
| #4 | afk | +2.96 | 79 | 67 |
| #5 | k1 | +1.65 | 88 | 47 |





