








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 391 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 180 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2559 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,419 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3008 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2456 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2453 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2502 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $435,484 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 391 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primary | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | colin | 62% | 26 |
| #3 | loltrip | 60% | 45 |
| #4 | Primal | 60% | 45 |
| #5 | ✪Sword | 58% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Donkey (drop me the awp) | 54% | 13 |
| #7 | Archaic | 50% | 12 |
| #8 | Axessor | 50% | 22 |
| #9 | Spooky Jinneah | 44% | 18 |
| #10 | fer | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | loltrip | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | ✪Sword | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Primal | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | colin | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Donkey (drop me the awp) | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primal | 232 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | loltrip | 134 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | colin | 113 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Axessor | 98 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Spooky Jinneah | 79 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primary | +3.54 | 88 | 71 |
| #2 | Donkey (drop me the awp) | +2.91 | 69 | 77 |
| #3 | colin | +1.59 | 86 | 76 |
| #4 | sirnerd | +1.33 | 68 | 65 |
| #5 | ✪Sword | +1.09 | 79 | 45 |





