








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 115 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 137 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2382 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,260 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3093 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2688 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2264 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2215 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $642,296 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xeno | 76% | 25 |
| #2 | Cinna | 55% | 29 |
| #3 | Superious | 54% | 50 |
| #4 | Aksium | 53% | 121 |
| #5 | Joeshmoe | 52% | 142 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | knz | 50% | 78 |
| #7 | :D Book | 49% | 39 |
| #8 | BigDaddyLion | 48% | 93 |
| #9 | Window Licker #pride | 40% | 15 |
| #10 | wig- | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joeshmoe | 12 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | knz | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Superious | 6 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | :D Book | 5 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | BigDaddyLion | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigDaddyLion | 492 | 0.24 | 14 min |
| #2 | Joeshmoe | 440 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #3 | knz | 409 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #4 | Aksium | 237 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | Cinna | 186 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cinna | +3.13 | 84 | 65 |
| #2 | Superious | +2.55 | 70 | 63 |
| #3 | Window Licker #pride | +1.26 | 73 | 61 |
| #4 | Joeshmoe | +1.04 | 68 | 60 |
| #5 | knz | +1.00 | 71 | 65 |





