








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 476 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 78 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 29 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




81 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4119 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,759 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2502 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3866 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4610 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1781 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,137,322 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 818 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | paulie | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | Paintball Dave | 55% | 176 |
| #3 | smaashed | 51% | 79 |
| #4 | BamBamCam | 48% | 44 |
| #5 | chloppap | 47% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | smaashed | 51% | 79 |
| #4 | BamBamCam | 48% | 44 |
| #5 | chloppap | 47% | 36 |
| #6 | Teenis Envy | 47% | 301 |
| #7 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 41% | 148 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teenis Envy | 50 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 28 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | Paintball Dave | 25 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | smaashed | 19 | 0.0129 |
| #5 | paulie | 8 | 0.0140 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teenis Envy | 830 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 568 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #3 | Paintball Dave | 454 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #4 | smaashed | 145 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | BamBamCam | 76 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | +6.59 | 81 | 57 |
| #2 | paulie | +1.94 | 75 | 64 |
| #3 | smaashed | +1.73 | 77 | 62 |
| #4 | Teenis Envy | +1.49 | 72 | 57 |
| #5 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | -1.79 | 49 | 55 |





