








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1003 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,401 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 962 | 28% |
| Smokes | 761 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 720 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 958 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $394,453 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 212 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toasty | 80% | 15 |
| #2 | Ryno | 71% | 17 |
| #3 | 𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕨𝕔𝕜𝕫 | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | Jachro | 58% | 53 |
| #5 | -Sharpie- | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryno | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | toasty | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KrakenS tradeit.gg | 206 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | Jachro | 155 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | ASS CANNON | 81 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ryno | 77 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | toasty | 75 | 0.24 | 1 min |





