








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2889 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2116 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2896 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2451 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2037 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $945,132 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 71 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poogs | 50% | 44 |
| #2 | Rawr | 48% | 58 |
| #3 | Eisbär | 47% | 100 |
| #4 | finger | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | Say_Hey | 46% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eisbär | 25 | 0.0114 |
| #2 | DotZ. | 14 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Say_Hey | 11 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | BrentB | 8 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Rawr | 8 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DotZ. | 635 | 0.21 | 16 min |
| #2 | Eisbär | 471 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #3 | Rawr | 262 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #4 | Say_Hey | 239 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | BrentB | 121 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eisbär | +2.88 | 83 | 66 |
| #2 | DotZ. | +2.00 | 79 | 63 |
| #3 | Rawr | +0.09 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | Burns | +0.01 | 52 | 58 |
| #5 | Say_Hey | -1.07 | 73 | 70 |





