










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
706 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,196 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 897 | 28% |
| Smokes | 848 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 663 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 788 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $70,914 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hux | 69% | 35 |
| #2 | Pandemic Express | 47% | 118 |
| #3 | TPK Void | 46% | 101 |
| #4 | BootyCakeBandit | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 44% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | TPK Void | 46% | 101 |
| #4 | BootyCakeBandit | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 44% | 121 |
| #6 | The Backyardigooners | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | Obamna | 27% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 36 | 0.0153 |
| #2 | Obamna | 13 | 0.0118 |
| #3 | TPK Void | 12 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Pandemic Express | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | hux | 6 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pandemic Express | 393 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | TPK Void | 122 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | hux | 118 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 97 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Obamna | 20 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hux | +9.62 | 85 | 66 |
| #2 | BootyCakeBandit | +3.92 | 58 | 43 |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | +3.67 | 71 | 56 |
| #4 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | +0.69 | 53 | 24 |
| #5 | TPK Void | -1.13 | 46 | 38 |





