








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
963 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,544 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 623 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1296 | 51% |
| HE Grenades | 461 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 164 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $82,468 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoom | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | Ronnie Coleman's Nephew | 42% | 26 |
| #4 | Papiichulo | 38% | 118 |
| #5 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 37% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ronnie Coleman's Nephew | 42% | 26 |
| #4 | Papiichulo | 38% | 118 |
| #5 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 37% | 103 |
| #6 | Maybe Egg | 29% | 35 |
| #7 | meese | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maybe Egg | 8 | 0.0114 |
| #2 | Papiichulo | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Ronnie Coleman's Nephew | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 220 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | Papiichulo | 209 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Maybe Egg | 103 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ronnie Coleman's Nephew | 13 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 9 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maybe Egg | +4.38 | 69 | 48 |
| #2 | Papiichulo | +1.78 | 57 | 38 |
| #3 | Ronnie Coleman's Nephew | -0.45 | 27 | 20 |
| #4 | meese | -1.25 | 86 | 10 |
| #5 | Pandito | -1.45 | 32 | 40 |





