








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 466 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 641 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7151 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,851 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4107 | 46% |
| Smokes | 3562 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 611 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 571 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $642,223 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kronch ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა | 49% | 45 |
| #2 | meese | 47% | 90 |
| #3 | Zoom | 45% | 42 |
| #4 | Maybe Egg | 44% | 240 |
| #5 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 42% | 407 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ronnie Coleman's Nephew | 41% | 128 |
| #7 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 39% | 175 |
| #8 | Pandito | 38% | 118 |
| #9 | Egg | 38% | 61 |
| #10 | Little Michael Jackson | 36% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maybe Egg | 60 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 14 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 12 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Egg | 11 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | Pandito | 8 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maybe Egg | 796 | 0.16 | 19 min |
| #2 | Tiny Peanut Butter | 790 | 0.10 | 23 min |
| #3 | Pandito | 222 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Little Michael Jackson | 200 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Egg | 183 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egg | +3.88 | 74 | 52 |
| #2 | Maybe Egg | +3.67 | 71 | 50 |
| #3 | Little Michael Jackson | +1.23 | 54 | 50 |
| #4 | Kronch ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა | +1.08 | 40 | 46 |
| #5 | Papiichulo | +0.46 | 54 | 35 |





