










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1997 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,260 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 314 | 5% |
| Smokes | 1038 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2554 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 2354 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $913,117 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | McDubbies | 21 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | Turbo Fingerz | 18 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Skeevy Nicks | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | SpudNinja | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Matt | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Turbo Fingerz | 465 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | McDubbies | 313 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | Skeevy Nicks | 273 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | Matt | 239 | 0.31 | 6 min |
| #5 | SpudNinja | 137 | 0.07 | 4 min |





