








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 838 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 253 | 30% |
| Smokes | 153 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 339 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 93 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $162,142 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slim | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | Bundaguard | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | BIG JOHN | 38% | 55 |
| #4 | shnizzy | 38% | 8 |
| #5 | whiteminecraftplayer | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bundaguard | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | BIG JOHN | 38% | 55 |
| #4 | shnizzy | 38% | 8 |
| #5 | whiteminecraftplayer | 38% | 24 |
| #6 | 17clavery | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BIG JOHN | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | whiteminecraftplayer | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | shnizzy | 3 | 0.0214 |
| #4 | Bundaguard | 2 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | 17clavery | 1 | 0.0104 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | whiteminecraftplayer | 68 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | BIG JOHN | 51 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Bundaguard | 29 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | shnizzy | 19 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #5 | Slim | 3 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slim | +1.32 | 10 | 24 |
| #2 | Maybe | -0.21 | 50 | 36 |
| #3 | BIG JOHN | -0.31 | 41 | 32 |
| #4 | whiteminecraftplayer | -0.54 | 66 | 43 |
| #5 | Bundaguard | -1.15 | 35 | 47 |





