








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 212 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Faceit | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2562 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,698 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1053 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2186 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2035 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1424 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,801,108 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 129 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mike Oxlong | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | nissan altimommy | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | RdPnd | 63% | 27 |
| #4 | pat | 62% | 42 |
| #5 | Debased Bowie | 59% | 150 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | pat | 62% | 42 |
| #5 | Debased Bowie | 59% | 150 |
| #6 | pupper | 57% | 197 |
| #7 | .q | 54% | 61 |
| #8 | hku | 54% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pupper | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | hku | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | RdPnd | 10 | 0.0175 |
| #4 | .q | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Debased Bowie | 4 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hku | 335 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | pupper | 264 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | .q | 228 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #4 | pat | 127 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | RdPnd | 107 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mike Oxlong | +3.98 | 87 | 58 |
| #2 | hku | +3.31 | 84 | 60 |
| #3 | RdPnd | +3.06 | 67 | 81 |
| #4 | pupper | +2.89 | 77 | 70 |
| #5 | .q | +1.23 | 78 | 64 |





