








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 109 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
911 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,973 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1765 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1713 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1198 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1297 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $271,964 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P4w3m | 62% | 63 |
| #2 | corn jr. | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | ynm.tmツ | 54% | 143 |
| #4 | Kowalski | 51% | 68 |
| #5 | Varrus | 51% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Varrus | 51% | 111 |
| #6 | wag wan | 50% | 26 |
| #7 | Die Hornisse | 50% | 48 |
| #8 | Lurgma | 49% | 49 |
| #9 | Bean Boi | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Varrus | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | ynm.tmツ | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | P4w3m | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Die Hornisse | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Kowalski | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ynm.tmツ | 1104 | 0.39 | 31 min |
| #2 | P4w3m | 248 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #3 | Varrus | 233 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Kowalski | 176 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Lurgma | 140 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ynm.tmツ | +5.95 | 81 | 79 |
| #2 | P4w3m | +0.60 | 66 | 73 |
| #3 | Kowalski | +0.47 | 69 | 52 |
| #4 | Varrus | +0.44 | 71 | 63 |
| #5 | wag wan | +0.44 | 54 | 36 |





