








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 628 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Faceit | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3704 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,238 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5756 | 38% |
| Smokes | 4420 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2157 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2905 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $575,940 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 546 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wag wan | 63% | 83 |
| #2 | Kowalski | 59% | 149 |
| #3 | P4w3m | 59% | 143 |
| #4 | corn jr. | 59% | 63 |
| #5 | Varrus | 55% | 257 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Varrus | 55% | 257 |
| #6 | Die Hornisse | 54% | 125 |
| #7 | SchurLi | 54% | 143 |
| #8 | Lurgma | 51% | 125 |
| #9 | Bean Boi | 50% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Varrus | 15 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Kowalski | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Die Hornisse | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | P4w3m | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | SchurLi | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SchurLi | 617 | 0.22 | 13 min |
| #2 | P4w3m | 536 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #3 | Varrus | 477 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #4 | Lurgma | 363 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #5 | Kowalski | 349 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ynm.tmツ | +5.49 | 80 | 79 |
| #2 | corn jr. | +0.62 | 69 | 61 |
| #3 | Kowalski | +0.57 | 70 | 58 |
| #4 | P4w3m | +0.21 | 68 | 72 |
| #5 | Varrus | +0.12 | 72 | 62 |





