








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,160 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 697 | 32% |
| Smokes | 478 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 513 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 472 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $251,551 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smet | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Alone | 60% | 45 |
| #3 | 𓀐 John | 58% | 67 |
| #4 | Pipmitz | 52% | 44 |
| #5 | Verdwaalde Man | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smet | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Alone | 60% | 45 |
| #3 | 𓀐 John | 58% | 67 |
| #4 | Pipmitz | 52% | 44 |
| #5 | Verdwaalde Man | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pipmitz | 9 | 0.0096 |
| #2 | 𓀐 John | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Alone | 4 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𓀐 John | 112 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Alone | 66 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Pipmitz | 52 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Verdwaalde Man | 49 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #5 | Smet | 7 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𓀐 John | +3.14 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | Pipmitz | +2.72 | 87 | 55 |
| #3 | DenYosh | -1.05 | 61 | 54 |
| #4 | Alone | -1.48 | 34 | 63 |
| #5 | Smet | -2.63 | 31 | 33 |





