








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 770 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 316 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3780 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,904 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1090 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1556 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 3759 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 2499 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,495,183 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 556 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | gbmaster | 47% | 205 |
| #10 | BeansRailed | 47% | 189 |
| #11 | JD | 47% | 124 |
| #12 | yatah | 47% | 30 |
| #13 | Teo ⛴ | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coach | 8 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | supremee^ | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | HOONY | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | gbmaster | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | JD | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | supremee^ | 574 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #2 | BeansRailed | 500 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | JD | 421 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #4 | HOONY | 259 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | Coach | 249 | 0.09 | 6 min |





