








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 248 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 207 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2656 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,447 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3616 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4014 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2846 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3971 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $396,208 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 526 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Truster | 65% | 40 |
| #2 | TheBanana | 58% | 45 |
| #3 | Microman | 58% | 92 |
| #4 | obeey | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | Homofürst II. | 54% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Snibbels™ | 40% | 55 |
| #13 | Kaiser | 39% | 23 |
| #14 | TrymoveNick | 36% | 22 |
| #15 | Smartii | 35% | 34 |
| #16 | Tommowish | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MaGgiX | 12 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Microman | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | TheBanana | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | JnF | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | sadge | 3 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MaGgiX | 230 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | JustAPilot | 205 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Microman | 174 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | Truster | 148 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | TheBanana | 100 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | obeey | +3.31 | 86 | 68 |
| #2 | Truster | +2.06 | 79 | 72 |
| #3 | sadge | +1.89 | 81 | 61 |
| #4 | Kenji | +1.13 | 85 | 82 |
| #5 | Microman | +1.01 | 69 | 69 |





