








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 31 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3027 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,319 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1968 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2406 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1754 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2191 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $484,204 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evn^S | 64% | 36 |
| #2 | Knag | 51% | 168 |
| #3 | IndeXX | 46% | 177 |
| #4 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | 45% | 144 |
| #5 | - | 44% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | 55 | 0.0185 |
| #2 | ☭ludnig | 32 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | IndeXX | 24 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | - | 20 | 0.0185 |
| #5 | UngDryppGuttBror | 13 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | 971 | 0.33 | 21 min |
| #2 | Knag | 454 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | IndeXX | 366 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | - | 88 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Evn^S | 43 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braindead Jo Ice | +1.54 | 65 | 56 |
| #2 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | +1.49 | 58 | 70 |
| #3 | UngDryppGuttBror | +0.69 | 71 | 32 |
| #4 | Evn^S | +0.51 | 78 | 54 |
| #5 | Knag | +0.38 | 75 | 56 |





