








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
854 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,044 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 152 | 15% |
| Smokes | 221 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 280 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 391 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $103,033 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knag | 53% | 36 |
| #2 | - | 47% | 17 |
| #3 | Braindead Jo Ice | 44% | 87 |
| #4 | ☭ludnig | 43% | 54 |
| #5 | IndeXX | 39% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | - | 47% | 17 |
| #3 | Braindead Jo Ice | 44% | 87 |
| #4 | ☭ludnig | 43% | 54 |
| #5 | IndeXX | 39% | 64 |
| #6 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | 23 | 0.0236 |
| #2 | ☭ludnig | 14 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | Braindead Jo Ice | 8 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | IndeXX | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | - | 7 | 0.0213 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | 321 | 0.33 | 6 min |
| #2 | Braindead Jo Ice | 193 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | IndeXX | 145 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Knag | 126 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | - | 33 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braindead Jo Ice | +1.67 | 61 | 53 |
| #2 | Rizz and jizz god torjus | +0.87 | 52 | 70 |
| #3 | UngDryppGuttBror | +0.67 | 71 | 31 |
| #4 | - | -0.30 | 69 | 27 |
| #5 | Knag | -0.36 | 73 | 61 |





