








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 518 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 148 matches | ||
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5924 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,560 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4673 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3113 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4834 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3940 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,053,211 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 367 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | RyzoH | 60% | 135 |
| #7 | Heartless2k | 58% | 173 |
| #8 | Limbs <Bez Bólu> | 54% | 72 |
| #9 | Paranoia Drainer | 53% | 60 |
| #10 | heartmore | 52% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heartless2k | 12 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | El Bait | 12 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | fucking retard idiot | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Paranoia Drainer | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | RyzoH | 4 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heartless2k | 784 | 0.21 | 20 min |
| #2 | RyzoH | 458 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #3 | El Bait | 381 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #4 | Limbs <Bez Bólu> | 287 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #5 | Paranoia Drainer | 175 | 0.16 | 4 min |





