








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
676 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,986 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 353 | 18% |
| Smokes | 469 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 534 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 630 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $354,154 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FLIPS | 89% | 9 |
| #2 | RABBIT | 71% | 14 |
| #3 | Stroesa | 67% | 9 |
| #4 | Tit-Bits | 67% | 12 |
| #5 | SBR | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NepH | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Mr Luba Wuba | 4 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Trans-Former | 3 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | ☯☣ƈǟɨռ☣☯ | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | PyroMNKEY | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☯☣ƈǟɨռ☣☯ | 214 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #2 | Mr Luba Wuba | 82 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | NepH | 75 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | PyroMNKEY | 53 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Laggs | 50 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RABBIT | +4.52 | 24 | 65 |
| #2 | Mr Luba Wuba | +3.22 | 64 | 62 |
| #3 | Tit-Bits | +3.21 | 41 | 56 |
| #4 | FLIPS | +3.21 | 61 | 20 |
| #5 | NepH | +2.88 | 59 | 51 |





