








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 482 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 153 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 49 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 104 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4494 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,477 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3764 | 16% |
| Smokes | 5835 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7533 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 6345 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,249,060 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 547 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Link | 52% | 42 |
| #2 | Dizzy | 52% | 244 |
| #3 | AHHHHHHHHHH | 50% | 200 |
| #4 | Depressed Pulse | 47% | 503 |
| #5 | bacxn | 46% | 430 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Depressed Pulse | 119 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | bacxn | 32 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Dizzy | 16 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | AHHHHHHHHHH | 16 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Perplexed Rayn | 8 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Depressed Pulse | 1301 | 0.13 | 28 min |
| #2 | bacxn | 946 | 0.11 | 22 min |
| #3 | Dizzy | 484 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #4 | AHHHHHHHHHH | 417 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #5 | Perplexed Rayn | 385 | 0.19 | 6 min |





