








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 681 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 657 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6380 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,589 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4004 | 16% |
| Smokes | 6805 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 7356 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 6424 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,150,528 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1450 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | partypickle | 55% | 44 |
| #2 | matchlessplum | 54% | 54 |
| #3 | McH|e[X]ile-Hammack | 53% | 58 |
| #4 | Occasionally Fatal | 49% | 53 |
| #5 | Ragin' Bran ㋡ | 48% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Occasionally Fatal | 49% | 53 |
| #5 | Ragin' Bran ㋡ | 48% | 97 |
| #6 | Helmut +} | 47% | 58 |
| #7 | McH|Infy | 45% | 73 |
| #8 | ρєя∂ιтα | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matchlessplum | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | ρєя∂ιтα | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Ragin' Bran ㋡ | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Helmut +} | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | McH|e[X]ile-Hammack | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ragin' Bran ㋡ | 555 | 0.26 | 9 min |
| #2 | partypickle | 99 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | ρєя∂ιтα | 95 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Occasionally Fatal | 90 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Helmut +} | 82 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helmut +} | +4.00 | 89 | 71 |
| #2 | partypickle | +1.94 | 70 | 73 |
| #3 | matchlessplum | +1.88 | 57 | 42 |
| #4 | Occasionally Fatal | +0.79 | 42 | 65 |
| #5 | Xéro | +0.20 | 65 | 52 |





