








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 66 matches | ||
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2009 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,370 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2675 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2912 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2624 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3159 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $859,376 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JanRambo™ | 61% | 57 |
| #2 | El Killer Bunny #Pimpele SUCKS | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | JumpSty13er2007 | 56% | 43 |
| #4 | Gary the Snail | 55% | 191 |
| #5 | Kakashi | 53% | 254 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PussySl4y3r2010 | 30 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Kakashi | 17 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | JanRambo™ | 7 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Gary the Snail | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | ᴜɴɴᴀᴍᴇᴅʙᴏɪ | ♛ | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kakashi | 445 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | Gary the Snail | 387 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #3 | PussySl4y3r2010 | 269 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | JanRambo™ | 161 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | JumpSty13er2007 | 103 | 0.12 | 2 min |





