








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1625 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,016 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 561 | 14% |
| Smokes | 590 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1143 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1722 | 43% |
Our logs show you have wasted $539,912 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | JanRambo™ | 50% | 16 |
| #7 | PussySl4y3r2010 | 49% | 216 |
| #8 | GibstDuOpiOpiumBringtOpiumOpiUm | 49% | 117 |
| #9 | Kakashi | 48% | 186 |
| #10 | LittleSnaegg | 43% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GibstDuOpiOpiumBringtOpiumOpiUm | 19 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | PussySl4y3r2010 | 16 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Kakashi | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Gary the Snail | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | LittleSnaegg | 4 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kakashi | 340 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | Gary the Snail | 245 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | GibstDuOpiOpiumBringtOpiumOpiUm | 240 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | PussySl4y3r2010 | 211 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | Ben Dover | 139 | 0.25 | 5 min |





