








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 398 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5032 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,261 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4047 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3231 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2815 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3168 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $835,585 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 305 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | davethehippo | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | Oscar. | 60% | 30 |
| #3 | BOOGERMUNCHER | 57% | 51 |
| #4 | Prophet | 57% | 214 |
| #5 | Can i Clean Here | 56% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Prophet | 57% | 214 |
| #5 | Can i Clean Here | 56% | 62 |
| #6 | Meat Piston | 55% | 67 |
| #7 | Plumber Sins | 48% | 84 |
| #8 | Wookii | 46% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plumber Sins | 25 | 0.0140 |
| #2 | Wookii | 18 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Prophet | 17 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Meat Piston | 12 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | Can i Clean Here | 12 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophet | 953 | 0.21 | 21 min |
| #2 | Wookii | 315 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Plumber Sins | 245 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Can i Clean Here | 136 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | davethehippo | 91 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophet | +3.27 | 84 | 49 |
| #2 | Wookii | +1.39 | 79 | 58 |
| #3 | Meat Piston | +0.26 | 67 | 36 |
| #4 | Scobes | -0.33 | 70 | 54 |
| #5 | davethehippo | -0.57 | 52 | 54 |





