








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1748 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,581 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 368 | 10% |
| Smokes | 1182 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1092 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 939 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $606,265 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 81 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophet | 58% | 45 |
| #2 | Scobes | 57% | 51 |
| #3 | ✪HazzaVEVO | 57% | 37 |
| #4 | Meat Piston | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | Wookii | 48% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Meat Piston | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | Wookii | 48% | 40 |
| #6 | Plumber Sins | 46% | 57 |
| #7 | Oscar. | 44% | 54 |
| #8 | Can i Clean Here | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plumber Sins | 11 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | Oscar. | 10 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | Prophet | 8 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | Wookii | 8 | 0.0094 |
| #5 | Can i Clean Here | 4 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophet | 255 | 0.27 | 5 min |
| #2 | Plumber Sins | 193 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Oscar. | 131 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Scobes | 119 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Wookii | 115 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophet | +4.99 | 83 | 49 |
| #2 | Wookii | +1.63 | 82 | 57 |
| #3 | Can i Clean Here | +1.50 | 46 | 49 |
| #4 | Scobes | +0.78 | 75 | 54 |
| #5 | Meat Piston | +0.62 | 72 | 39 |





