








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
656 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,514 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 875 | 25% |
| Smokes | 744 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 873 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1022 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $273,131 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Jeffrlf2 | 58% | 36 |
| #7 | bigwiggy | 57% | 28 |
| #8 | Skokan | 57% | 23 |
| #9 | Michaecide | 55% | 84 |
| #10 | Discount Zywoo | 52% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michaecide | 41 | 0.0235 |
| #2 | bigwiggy | 17 | 0.0291 |
| #3 | Discount Zywoo | 14 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | Cae | 10 | 0.0101 |
| #5 | Justin "jks" Savage (大阴茎) | 5 | 0.0147 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount Zywoo | 408 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #2 | Cae | 251 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | Jeffrlf2 | 227 | 0.30 | 5 min |
| #4 | Michaecide | 197 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | Skokan | 110 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount Zywoo | +3.72 | 76 | 70 |
| #2 | Humpter | +3.11 | 92 | 41 |
| #3 | Michaecide | +2.11 | 58 | 38 |
| #4 | Jeffrlf2 | +0.36 | 51 | 53 |
| #5 | Cae | +0.02 | 60 | 56 |





