








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1730 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,843 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2306 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2133 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 978 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1426 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $319,046 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cae | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | Michaecide | 58% | 73 |
| #3 | theaustin | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | Justin "jks" Savage (大阴茎) | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | Discount Zywoo | 54% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | xZoKe | 53% | 64 |
| #7 | Jeffrlf2 | 49% | 75 |
| #8 | Humpter | 47% | 51 |
| #9 | bigwiggy | 31% | 16 |
| #10 | Wrld | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michaecide | 19 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | Cae | 13 | 0.0205 |
| #3 | Discount Zywoo | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Humpter | 8 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | xZoKe | 6 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount Zywoo | 556 | 0.21 | 16 min |
| #2 | Jeffrlf2 | 296 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #3 | Michaecide | 142 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Cae | 138 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | xZoKe | 120 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount Zywoo | +2.94 | 72 | 70 |
| #2 | Michaecide | +2.24 | 58 | 40 |
| #3 | Humpter | +1.79 | 93 | 40 |
| #4 | bigwiggy | -0.12 | 55 | 61 |
| #5 | Skokan | -0.20 | 67 | 66 |





