








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 351 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 160 matches | ||
| Premier | 155 matches | ||
| Esplay | 7 matches | 1,937 | |
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2909 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,954 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2887 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4021 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3473 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2573 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,142,290 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 114 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zade☁ | 62% | 153 |
| #2 | p0xx | 62% | 39 |
| #3 | SiikR | 60% | 72 |
| #4 | Ahti | 58% | 138 |
| #5 | anZiR | 58% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bennet | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | fisu | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Ahti | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | anZiR | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | zade☁ | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bennet | 943 | 0.20 | 25 min |
| #2 | fisu | 606 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #3 | zade☁ | 600 | 0.18 | 18 min |
| #4 | Ahti | 535 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #5 | SiikR | 433 | 0.27 | 13 min |





