








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 112 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2007 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,352 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2717 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2199 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1806 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1630 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $191,350 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Trashbag Popcorn | 52% | 21 |
| #9 | Stitch | 52% | 79 |
| #10 | BrokenProton | 50% | 24 |
| #11 | CUBErt | 47% | 64 |
| #12 | Slushie <3 | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stitch | 20 | 0.0128 |
| #2 | CUBErt | 14 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | Mr. Stabby | 9 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | thanny | 5 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | BrokenProton | 4 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stitch | 139 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | Mr. Stabby | 123 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Revolt | 107 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | CUBErt | 102 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Baldus | 73 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thanny | +5.95 | 86 | 51 |
| #2 | Sufrad | +5.30 | 91 | 53 |
| #3 | Stitch | +3.41 | 78 | 44 |
| #4 | CUBErt | +2.07 | 89 | 49 |
| #5 | Mr. Stabby | +0.68 | 66 | 65 |





