








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1434 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,643 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1607 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1683 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1640 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1713 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $205,128 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jewmanji | 50% | 18 |
| #2 | Name the Compound | 47% | 102 |
| #3 | Steroid moo | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | THE HAT MAN | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | bourgeur from agartha | 38% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Name the Compound | 26 | 0.0124 |
| #2 | bourgeur from agartha | 18 | 0.0101 |
| #3 | melvin | 9 | 0.0164 |
| #4 | THE HAT MAN | 8 | 0.0154 |
| #5 | Dwcollier | 4 | 0.0161 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Name the Compound | 161 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Flint and STEEL | 136 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | melvin | 112 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | THE HAT MAN | 80 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | bourgeur from agartha | 63 | 0.04 | 2 min |





