








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 563 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 294 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




76 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4623 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,522 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4258 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4473 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4211 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4580 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,866,768 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 291 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | volcel B0ris | 57% | 190 |
| #2 | dami7o6 | 55% | 116 |
| #3 | Chica enthusiast | 53% | 106 |
| #4 | NeonD2 | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | Yob | 49% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | NeonD2 | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | Yob | 49% | 89 |
| #6 | Randy Clark | 49% | 324 |
| #7 | haro1d | 49% | 119 |
| #8 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 45% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Randy Clark | 30 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Yob | 17 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | volcel B0ris | 10 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Chica enthusiast | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | haro1d | 5 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Randy Clark | 1474 | 0.21 | 35 min |
| #2 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 1115 | 0.37 | 29 min |
| #3 | volcel B0ris | 508 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | Chica enthusiast | 415 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #5 | dami7o6 | 329 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joyous Lady 3225 | +2.00 | 55 | 74 |
| #2 | NeonD2 | +1.75 | 56 | 68 |
| #3 | Chica enthusiast | +1.14 | 68 | 58 |
| #4 | haro1d | +0.62 | 56 | 53 |
| #5 | Anal With Ur Mom | +0.53 | 70 | 63 |





