








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 202 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
890 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2454 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2210 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1645 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1176 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $228,865 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeonD2 | 65% | 55 |
| #2 | volcel B0ris | 58% | 99 |
| #3 | goosiii | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | the jew | 54% | 13 |
| #5 | Anal With Ur Mom | 53% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 51% | 80 |
| #7 | -NaC- | 50% | 12 |
| #8 | Randy Clark | 50% | 124 |
| #9 | dami7o6 | 45% | 38 |
| #10 | Yob | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anal With Ur Mom | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Randy Clark | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | volcel B0ris | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Yob | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | goosiii | 1 | 0.0244 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Randy Clark | 167 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | NeonD2 | 118 | 0.48 | 2 min |
| #3 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 99 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | volcel B0ris | 71 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Anal With Ur Mom | 68 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -NaC- | +5.22 | 83 | 61 |
| #2 | the jew | +1.86 | 48 | 35 |
| #3 | NeonD2 | +1.32 | 46 | 67 |
| #4 | Yob | +0.67 | 52 | 56 |
| #5 | dami7o6 | +0.42 | 59 | 52 |





