








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 82 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 212 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2200 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,464 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2216 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2473 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1749 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2026 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $713,646 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 181 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dami7o6 | 65% | 63 |
| #2 | NeonD2 | 59% | 34 |
| #3 | Chica enthusiast | 58% | 99 |
| #4 | Anal With Ur Mom | 57% | 190 |
| #5 | haro1d | 54% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Anal With Ur Mom | 57% | 190 |
| #5 | haro1d | 54% | 41 |
| #6 | Yob | 52% | 42 |
| #7 | Randy Clark | 51% | 158 |
| #8 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 50% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anal With Ur Mom | 27 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Randy Clark | 14 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Chica enthusiast | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Yob | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 833 | 0.39 | 23 min |
| #2 | Randy Clark | 731 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #3 | Anal With Ur Mom | 619 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #4 | Chica enthusiast | 384 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #5 | dami7o6 | 186 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeonD2 | +2.51 | 51 | 70 |
| #2 | Joyous Lady 3225 | +2.22 | 61 | 76 |
| #3 | dami7o6 | +1.10 | 59 | 55 |
| #4 | Chica enthusiast | +0.90 | 67 | 59 |
| #5 | Anal With Ur Mom | +0.88 | 69 | 62 |





