








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 216 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1691 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,405 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1314 | 39% |
| Smokes | 723 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 848 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 520 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $748,860 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | volcel B0ris | 65% | 63 |
| #2 | Anal With Ur Mom | 55% | 116 |
| #3 | NeonD2 | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 52% | 54 |
| #5 | Randy Clark | 51% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 52% | 54 |
| #5 | Randy Clark | 51% | 88 |
| #6 | haro1d | 48% | 50 |
| #7 | Chica enthusiast | 45% | 38 |
| #8 | Yob | 36% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anal With Ur Mom | 15 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Yob | 9 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | volcel B0ris | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Randy Clark | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Chica enthusiast | 3 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joyous Lady 3225 | 431 | 0.37 | 12 min |
| #2 | Anal With Ur Mom | 412 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #3 | Randy Clark | 407 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #4 | volcel B0ris | 176 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | Chica enthusiast | 133 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joyous Lady 3225 | +2.73 | 59 | 77 |
| #2 | NeonD2 | +0.86 | 52 | 66 |
| #3 | haro1d | +0.42 | 56 | 50 |
| #4 | volcel B0ris | +0.41 | 51 | 63 |
| #5 | Chica enthusiast | +0.29 | 73 | 58 |





