










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
614 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,026 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 479 | 47% |
| Smokes | 244 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 274 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 29 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $399,182 of utility $281 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 460 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚓︎ UlanyDancer⚓ | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | LALA | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Draco DoYouEvenSuprem? | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | xepois | 54% | 26 |
| #5 | dingle | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xepois | 9 | 0.0183 |
| #2 | Rqin | 7 | 0.0304 |
| #3 | Serriinee | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | LALA | 6 | 0.0577 |
| #5 | Rabid | 2 | 0.0078 |





