










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
687 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,848 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 578 | 31% |
| Smokes | 609 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 329 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 332 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $498,861 of utility $272 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shtick | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | John Shelby | 55% | 22 |
| #3 | Kuro | 51% | 47 |
| #4 | Aleybongo | 47% | 78 |
| #5 | housecat | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Aleybongo | 47% | 78 |
| #5 | housecat | 42% | 12 |
| #6 | MediuMST33LE | 40% | 25 |
| #7 | Λύπη | 29% | 17 |
| #8 | Turteh | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Shelby | 4 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | shtick | 4 | 0.0198 |
| #3 | Aleybongo | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Λύπη | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aleybongo | 123 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | Kuro | 99 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Λύπη | 56 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | housecat | 51 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | John Shelby | 46 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Turteh | +1.26 | 73 | 56 |
| #2 | Kuro | +1.20 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | Aleybongo | +0.79 | 56 | 62 |
| #4 | John Shelby | +0.72 | 80 | 45 |
| #5 | housecat | -0.71 | 81 | 55 |





