










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 207 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 78 matches | ||
| Premier | 62 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1281 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,401 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 772 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1414 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1311 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 904 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $838,822 of utility $265 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shtick | 50% | 10 |
| #2 | Kuro | 47% | 53 |
| #3 | Aleybongo | 43% | 81 |
| #4 | Steely | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | John Shelby | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shtick | 50% | 10 |
| #2 | Kuro | 47% | 53 |
| #3 | Aleybongo | 43% | 81 |
| #4 | Steely | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | John Shelby | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shtick | 2 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Steely | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kuro | 156 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Aleybongo | 121 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Steely | 52 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | John Shelby | 52 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | shtick | 14 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kuro | +0.99 | 80 | 60 |
| #2 | MediuMST33LE | +0.90 | 67 | 57 |
| #3 | Aleybongo | +0.60 | 55 | 62 |
| #4 | John Shelby | +0.41 | 86 | 48 |
| #5 | Steely | -1.13 | 60 | 51 |





