








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 650 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4534 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,375 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2668 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1534 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2501 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2672 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $692,616 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 305 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chinese Biggie | 30 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Owen | 28 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Makka Pakka | 23 | 0.0134 |
| #4 | RULE BY ADO | 21 | 0.0183 |
| #5 | RedMan | 17 | 0.0118 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chinese Biggie | 425 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | RULE BY ADO | 213 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | RedMan | 194 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | Owen | 182 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | Makka Pakka | 136 | 0.08 | 2 min |





