








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 837 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 553 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 121 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7137 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,888 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6200 | 22% |
| Smokes | 6513 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 8191 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 6984 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $875,436 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 109 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aleksi Joonas | 50% | 317 |
| #2 | Epik | 48% | 481 |
| #3 | easy | 48% | 191 |
| #4 | free speech fabsolutist 💖 | 46% | 201 |
| #5 | Urpokarhu | 46% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Urpokarhu | 46% | 140 |
| #6 | Orpoerpo | 45% | 215 |
| #7 | Larzka♿ | 44% | 260 |
| #8 | tompur | 41% | 46 |
| #9 | Py11y | 41% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epik | 18 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Larzka♿ | 13 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Orpoerpo | 12 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Aleksi Joonas | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | free speech fabsolutist 💖 | 9 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epik | 1123 | 0.11 | 31 min |
| #2 | Aleksi Joonas | 718 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #3 | Orpoerpo | 503 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | Larzka♿ | 389 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #5 | Py11y | 263 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Benee ✪ | +2.86 | 69 | 72 |
| #2 | Epik | +2.52 | 79 | 64 |
| #3 | tompur | -0.01 | 80 | 46 |
| #4 | Orpoerpo | -0.83 | 68 | 66 |
| #5 | Urpokarhu | -0.98 | 71 | 45 |





