








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 577 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2117 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,026 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2366 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1637 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 468 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 1555 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $589,909 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 895 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blue Purple Guy | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | Zantares | 58% | 57 |
| #3 | metroboomin | 56% | 57 |
| #4 | ILikeYeetingYEET | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | aphenslol | 54% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not | 28 | 0.0159 |
| #2 | Zantares | 24 | 0.0213 |
| #3 | metroboomin | 17 | 0.0163 |
| #4 | netermind | 15 | 0.0141 |
| #5 | Tuesday | 15 | 0.0183 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not | 301 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | TemOofGod | 188 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | nolli69 | 100 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | mino | 87 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Supreme Witch Calamitas | 85 | 0.13 | 2 min |





