








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 286 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3798 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,219 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3750 | 37% |
| Smokes | 2139 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1934 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2396 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $409,505 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 335 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kimbab | 100% | 15 |
| #2 | laundry | 81% | 26 |
| #3 | Gromit | 77% | 30 |
| #4 | ( ^◡^)っ✂ ∪ | 74% | 103 |
| #5 | Nang Dogg | 73% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ( ^◡^)っ✂ ∪ | 17 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | justcrabs | 9 | 0.0209 |
| #3 | laundry | 6 | 0.0120 |
| #4 | Nang Dogg | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Gromit | 3 | 0.0050 |





