








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 299 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 103 matches | ||
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2987 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,413 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3619 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3363 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1529 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1902 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $680,668 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EPIC DUDE | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | Okalele | 56% | 84 |
| #3 | KVASS | 54% | 200 |
| #4 | japalenowo | 53% | 189 |
| #5 | Chips | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Okalele | 56% | 84 |
| #3 | KVASS | 54% | 200 |
| #4 | japalenowo | 53% | 189 |
| #5 | Chips | 33% | 15 |
| #6 | [PoTaTo Clan] | LamaDakc | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KVASS | 19 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Okalele | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | japalenowo | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | [PoTaTo Clan] | LamaDakc | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | EPIC DUDE | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | japalenowo | 713 | 0.18 | 18 min |
| #2 | KVASS | 330 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | Okalele | 101 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chips | 46 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | [PoTaTo Clan] | LamaDakc | 34 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | japalenowo | +2.52 | 73 | 62 |
| #2 | Sverdfisk | +1.04 | 79 | 70 |
| #3 | KVASS | +0.88 | 81 | 54 |
| #4 | Okalele | -1.11 | 58 | 57 |
| #5 | Chips | -2.83 | 32 | 55 |





