








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
112 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 153 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 28 | 18% |
| Smokes | 9 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 47 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 69 | 45% |
Our logs show you have wasted $49,067 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | japalenowo | 84 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #2 | Sverdfisk | 57 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | KVASS | 41 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | anime woman | 17 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| #5 | Bottom fagger | 10 | 0.12 | 0 min |





