








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 644 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 254 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,250 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8751 | 43% |
| Smokes | 5207 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2492 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 3800 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $816,841 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1103 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tugg Speedman | 672 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #2 | noxin | 372 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #3 | raid | 241 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | detrho | 216 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | 214 | 201 | 0.23 | 6 min |





