








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 247 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Esplay | 16 matches | 1,622 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1606 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,564 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3420 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2669 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1535 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1940 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $298,222 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | xlb | 53% | 40 |
| #7 | Ruby Rose | 50% | 10 |
| #8 | ZZRunner | 47% | 15 |
| #9 | munky[G] | 46% | 35 |
| #10 | goodie | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | munky[G] | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | HeteNicco[G] | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HeteNicco[G] | 231 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | Adoon | 94 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | munky[G] | 91 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | xlb | 50 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | ZZRunner | 35 | 0.13 | 1 min |





