








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1673 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,539 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3765 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2769 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2875 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1130 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $179,678 of utility $44 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Flopsi | 47% | 19 |
| #11 | KradnaM | 46% | 13 |
| #12 | ZZRunner | 46% | 52 |
| #13 | Apprentice | 39% | 33 |
| #14 | Mr Reese | 8% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | munky[G] | 217 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | Kjesmu[G] | 195 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | Adoon | 182 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | xlb | 105 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | ZZRunner | 90 | 0.10 | 2 min |





