








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 345 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 194 matches | ||
| Faceit | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3958 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,294 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2939 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4963 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2394 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2998 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $958,036 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBanana | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | Tommowish | 57% | 51 |
| #3 | xX_Neck_Xx | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | Snibbels™ | 57% | 23 |
| #5 | Microman | 55% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | NOname | 49% | 99 |
| #9 | MaGgiX | 47% | 53 |
| #10 | Atominat1on | 47% | 32 |
| #11 | Kaiser | 47% | 64 |
| #12 | JustAPilot | 46% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JustAPilot | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | NOname | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Homofürst II. | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Kaiser | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Darki | 3 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Homofürst II. | 738 | 0.20 | 15 min |
| #2 | JustAPilot | 270 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | Atominat1on | 134 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Darki | 122 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | NOname | 102 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kenji | +1.13 | 83 | 72 |
| #2 | Microman | +0.95 | 60 | 60 |
| #3 | TheBanana | +0.87 | 67 | 64 |
| #4 | Tommowish | +0.23 | 70 | 38 |
| #5 | Homofürst II. | -0.13 | 76 | 58 |





