








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
446 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,283 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 490 | 38% |
| Smokes | 385 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 248 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 160 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $165,758 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 166 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choo Choo | 84% | 19 |
| #2 | Dolphinio | 83% | 18 |
| #3 | cheers | 77% | 13 |
| #4 | Nakey Toad | 73% | 37 |
| #5 | Dale | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Nakey Toad | 73% | 37 |
| #5 | Dale | 67% | 3 |
| #6 | sam | 67% | 30 |
| #7 | Gervinho | 64% | 14 |
| #8 | Bonson Crate | 54% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sam | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | cheers | 3 | 0.0119 |
| #3 | Nakey Toad | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Bonson Crate | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sam | 66 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Nakey Toad | 51 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | cheers | 28 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #4 | Gervinho | 26 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | Dolphinio | 22 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cheers | +17.35 | 99 | 41 |
| #2 | Dale | +11.10 | 98 | 57 |
| #3 | Dolphinio | +7.84 | 86 | 46 |
| #4 | Nakey Toad | +1.92 | 60 | 59 |
| #5 | Choo Choo | +0.56 | 72 | 40 |





